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12:39 am: This is the first time I have felt lonely in months and months...

I hope I am just having one of those days.

09:29 pm: Gracious Uncertainty
by Oswald Chambers

"It has not yet been revealed what we shall be..." 1 John 3:2

"Our natural inclination is to be so precise- trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next-- that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, 'well what if I were in that circumstance?' We cannot presumer to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been .

Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life- gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain if God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God.

As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. Jesus said, 'unless you... become as little children...' (Matthew 18:3). THe spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next... When we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy... Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in-- but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to him."

07:12 pm: Jillian will be performing in the All-State chorus concert tomorrow and believe me I will be there making a scene for my girl. Luckily, Jeffrey will be making the car trip to Tampa with me. It shuold br a good time.

The first week of class is over and I already have so much to do. Am I going to get behind this early??
Yikes.


My guitar and I have reached a dry spell. I have nothing new and exciting to learn and I am bored playing the same old things. What to do , what to do.


Today my Dad bet me $100 that he will take Urban Meyer (our new football coach) on a fishing trip in Ft. Myers... Part of the bet is that I will personally give Urban Meyer a trip across campus on the back of my moped. Dad says that he can't believe I would doubt him. ... I feel $100 richer already.

03:24 pm: I nearly burnt down the third floor of the Springs Complex today. Who would have thought that forgetting to add water in the process of making easy mac would be so detrimental.

The hallway still smells. .. of plastic and smoke.

I am so proud.

06:24 pm: I have had a headache since I woke up this morning and now I have to sit around for three hours while I wait for things to start rolling in this town. Nothing will happen until at least 9:00 so until then I will be reading and putsing around on the guitar until something happens.

I have decided that I hate decision making and I hate planning things and somehow people constantly rely on me to make decisions. For example... the other night we were trying to get together with my dad only we could not figure out what the heck to do. Of course everyone is like I dunno .. ask Jess.... GIVE ME A BREAK! For once can I just be along for the ride?? What a mess.

Ok ... hopefully something eventful will go on tonight.


Tomorrow night is the mother daughter dinner night. You couldn't ask for a better group of women than Carolyn, Sharon, Anita, and Dawn. It should be a hit.

03:59 pm: I just looked at my fist semester grades much to my surprise finding my Precalc grade an A! .. The class I thought I would fail. Wow. I have better luck than anyone I know.

Why am I so tired? I can not figure it out.

My christmas shopping has gone so well. I am thrilled with the outcome.

Tomorrow night is chilli night at Anne Campbell's. I can not begin to explain my excitment. I might have to throw it on a hotdog dor good measure.

I am lame...

12:58 am: I love home ... it is good to see everyone.

When will I finally be spending endless hours with Jilly? It's all I really want. But it has yet to happen.

This break is so glorious. I do nothing. I sit, I eat, I read, I think. I have never been so satisfied to be doing nothing. College has changed me from a constantly going and going gal... to a loser. And I am proud.

Jeff is bringing me ice cream. I am such a brat.

11:32 pm: This semester is really winding up quickly. It has been a big semester for me...even though no one will really understand why. I doubt that most people can see it. But I see it. I have been blessed in more ways than I can count this semester.


They say change is hard. To that I will not disagree. This change has been good for me. I can honestly say that I feel that I am stronger/better for what I have been through.


I am still figuring myself out. I am still figuring out what I want.. what I like... where I am headed... But now more than ever I find it thrilling... I know that God will open some wild doors for me. And that's what I look forward to more than anything I could ever dream up for myself.


Read something cool last night..
"If God can change the human heart with a single word, then pray big prayers! Dont' pray for what you think you can do- that isnt faith. Pray for what you know is impossible. Pray boldly without doubting- it's the Lord who answers. Then start living like it's a done deal. James warns us about half-hearted, mealy-mouthed prayers. "But when he asks, he must not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind" (Jas 1:6). Prayers that lack boldness are prayers that trust in human power rather than the power of God."

I wish I didn't constantly trust in myself and my own power. I can not do any of it on my own. I will always fall short.

05:48 pm: Spanish Oral- Complete
Man's Food exam- complete (and an A might I add)
3 down... 3 to go

Make-up math - tomorrow night

Psychology exam 4- wed.

Sat. - MAth final - BEASTLY!


What a load off. I am so relieved. But this week just doesn't end. When this semester is over i will be so happy.

Next semester will be so much more JOLLY. (No math)

12:37 pm: Did you know that the bacteria Campylobacter is America's leading cause of diarrhea? Neither did I.

I am in college and I am a slacker. I don't care about school. Is that bad?

I can not wait for winter break..